God let me see what satan is…
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Sometimes when I speak to people about Jesus, I run into someone that tells me that they are agnostic, that they don’t believe in God, and they state it as if to imply that its silly to believe in God, because there is no evidence of him, or maybe because of hard life experiences that they have had to deal with, or perhaps they have had no interaction with him? Either way, they use this to base their reasoning on.
Is there a God? Is there a Devil?
While I respect their opinion, as they debate or weigh out the talking points of what they assume to be true with regards to what God is, for me, it’s a whole different game. I have had personal experiences where I have seen and interacted with God, so for me, I am no longer working on just belief alone. I have seen the light and the dark, it is no longer a debate.
God and Jesus are real. But so is satan. The one is filled with Love and does all He can to support and bless us, while the other deeply hates us and is doing everything that he can to destroy and deceive us. It’s really black and white and not complicated.
God gives men their agency. Which means that we get to choose what we will and will not do. There is never a forced side of God until the time of judgment. Then, because God is just, we will be forced into the place prepared for us depending on whether we choose to do good or not. Essentially, by what we do and do not do, we are choosing our eternal destination in the future through those actions. When our lives are over, God will give us a life review, where we will see everything that we did, and did not do, and then, being weighed on the scales, we will end up in the appropriate location prepared for that group in which we fit in.
We came here to this earth by our own choice. The goal was to gain experience through trials so that we could become more like God, so that we could live with Him. We came to Earth with an individual “life plan” that we picked out. Let me say that again. We came to Earth with an individual “life plan” that we picked out. We chose what we wanted to face, and that included our challenges and trials. We were then born into families with certain situations and circumstances so that we would experience those trials that we picked out before we were born.
If we wanted more patience, then we chose a family where patience was going to be tested many times over, by the other personalities that we would be placed with. If we wanted to learn humility, then we would be placed in situations where being humbled would come up. Our trials would give us the experience that we would need to refine ourselves and test ourselves. God said that he would always be there to help us get through anything if we include him.
God then gave us each unique gifts and blessings so that we could succeed in the trials that we chose. He did not send us down here without having the tools that we would need to overcome.
I used to get mad at God because of the difficult trials in my life plan. I used to say, “God, only an idiot would choose this type of trial,” as I would go over it with him in prayer. It was hard for me to accept that I chose the trial. I wanted to blame someone else or something else, but the blame lies squarely with me. The purpose of trials is to make us stronger, to increase our faith in God as we rely on him to assist us in the trial, and to validate our choice of God over sin.
Do trials hurt? Yes, they do, sometimes deeply. Did I like some of the things that I was going through… absolutely not, and at the time, I was very vocal about it. And I can get mouthy and mean, but I had to face the fact that the buck stopped with me and to stop blaming God for it. It took many years for me to allow that to settle in. There were even times when my guardian angel would say something to me, and I would just throw it right back at them, telling the spirit speaking to me that they were not me and had no right to tell me anything, and to respect my agency and to back off. And they would for a time.
And then talk about the amazing patience of God, my guardian angel would come back in, and we would do this again and then again and then again. I guess stubbornness is a hallmark of my personality because I don’t move easily. So, when I say that this took time… Well, that is exactly what I mean. I now look back and say, goodness, look at all the time that was wasted because I was so hard-hearted. As I think over it, my mind tells me that God knew that already, but he never gave up on me… A hallmark of God’s personality.
God showed me in my vision that satan came after me quickly. For what reason, I don’t know, but it was his intent to make my life on earth extra difficult. And I believe that there are many like me out there who might be in the same boat as I was.
In my vision, I saw myself with God before I came to earth. He was like the perfect father. We would frequently go out on walks together, something that I enjoyed. Like a father and son’s moment. We spent time together. God was always in his way, teaching me something. He is a master teacher. God is our father, and we are his children. I believe that each one of us has had one-on-one times together with Him before we came to Earth. You may not remember it, but it did happen. I saw it. When we pass on to the other side, we will all be able to look back and remember all those precious moments.
(I remember listening to a speaker tell me one of her experiences with God. She was suffering emotionally with a lack of self-worth, and in prayer, she said that she would plead with God to help her find her self-worth. She said one day during her prayers that God opened her eyes and she could see this beautiful place that she described as God’s dwelling place, but to her it appeared as a very exquisite home, that was exceedingly beautiful. She said that her eyes were taken to a banister of stairs where there were pictures of all of God’s children posted on the wall. She went on to say that God led her eyes to look right at a certain photo. It was her headshot, just like the ones that we used to get in elementary school. She immediately felt God’s love come over her, and a deep feeling of knowing that she belonged to Him… She was His daughter, and He loved her deeply. The story touched me as I listened to it. I felt like we all could have that same experience if we asked, because it is true.)
God knows us personally. He knows everything about us. He laughs with us and he cries with us. He is never absent from us.
In my vision, I saw that it was my turn to come to earth, and as I went forward, I saw that God came with me. He took me to the place where I was ushered down for my earthly time. He smiled at me, and I stepped forward. I remember turning to look back to see if he was still there…
Yep! He was still there, smiling back at me. I remember his love-filled eyes. It was like I could feel his anticipation and hope for me in His eyes. With that, I felt confident and stepped forward. I remember looking back twice to see if he was still there. He never left. Always there, always available, ever present. I have found that this is a very important truth that I needed to remember.
I found myself in what I can only describe as a lone and dreary place. This world was not like where I had come from. What I didn’t do then, that I understand now, is that I needed to look towards God, but when you’re young, that’s something that you don’t always understand.
Some time had passed. And then in the distance, I saw a man standing afar off, waving to get my attention. He was very nicely dressed, and he beckoned me to come over to him. He seemed nice, a little bit of fun, and very friendly, eager to meet me.
I didn’t know who he was. But he didn’t appear dangerous, and so I followed him a short distance.
As time progressed, I began to notice that everything was gloomy, like a fog, and that I was not in a good place. I realized that I was not happy with my circumstances. Something did not feel right, and still, this man kept tugging at me.
I was lifted up, so I could see basically two areas. I was on one side with this man that I still did not know, and on the other side was the face of God. To my astonishment, He was still there. Still pouring out all the love that he is and still watching over me.
I remember the man leaning over my shoulder, whispering into my ear, telling me things that I don’t recollect even at this time. Time passed, and he disappeared, but I could still hear his whispers. I stopped looking toward God; in fact, my attention was completely taken away from him, although when I look back on the vision, God was there the entire time. He never left, but I lost sight of him.
I heard the words inside my head tell me that I was worthless, and over time, I felt like no one wanted me. Why was I feeling this way? Was I ugly? I got caught up in all the verbal mess that constantly rotated in my brain. Time passed, and my life went in a strange direction.
Then the voice began to point out my circumstances, the crappy situation that I found myself in. I was not in a happy place. The focus was on all the wrong things that were about me. And I believed it. Thinking it over and over again. Time passed. I grew angry and depressed.
Then the man again appeared standing back over my shoulder, he turned me back around to look the other direction, and pointed his finger. His voice was angry and filled with violence. It was like we were in some kind of sync with each other. As I looked up, I could see the face of God. But by this point, I didn’t want to speak with him, and I wasn’t interested in anything about him anymore. All I could think of were all the inferences going on inside my head that swirled around in anger that I believed.
And then came the final blow…. The man said to me, “AND IT’S ALL H-I-S FAULT,” and from over my shoulder, he pointed directly at God, and his anger and my anger became one.
(Anger is never of God. In fact, the angrier we become, the more we are attracting the wrong energy, the wrong spirits, and the wrong emotions, which over time stir us up and we do things that we would never think of doing, but we do it out of anger. Anger is never Godly, and we need to understand that. Anger is always from the devil. It is his tool, and he uses it effectively for those who listen to it. It’s like touching the red burner on the stove. Stay away from it, or you will surely get burned.)
By this point, I wasn’t in a position to reconcile and think. I was wound up and ready to unleash out and the man standing behind me used all his energy and focused it all on God, and I took it all in. “What kind of an idiot would choose this for a trial…” I thought. By this time, it was now more God’s fault than it was mine for being in the situation that I was in, and I found my heart was stirred up, and hate began to form. Then the man’s voice said, “Why would you (God) do this to me?” I had been pulled in hook, line, and sinker!
I was sooo A-N-G-R-Y. In that instant, the man turned my attention to look at the floor, and my mind focused on a single tile lying loose on the floor. He then said to me, “Pick it up and huck it him (meaning towards God).”
And in my rage, I picked up that tile and I hucked it as hard as I could. That tile seemed to catch air, and it rose up and struck the face of God right above his right eyebrow.
At that instant, I came to my own and realized that I had just thrown a sharp piece of tile at God, and I actually struck him. I stumbled back… Where was I? What was I doing? For the first time in a long while, I walked toward God instead of away from him. Feeling sorrowful and ashamed, I knelt down and sobbed. “What am I doing?”
Again, I could see that I was in a place with two sides. Reality began to set in. To my right was the side of God, and to my left was the devil. I understood that in life, we are basically choosing a side. What was before me was a decision that I needed to make. I would either go to the right or go to the left, there were no other options.
This whole time… God NEVER left me. He was there, full of love and hope and longing for me to come towards him the entire time. Not one time did he leave or get angry back at me. He never even flinched. Just Eyes of love longing for me to come over to his side of the room.
At this time in my dream, I looked back to my left from whence I had been. The man whom I had not known began to transform, and I realized that he was satan. And as I looked upon him, he was no longer a man, but a face shrouded in darkness.
Now there were only two faces, two sides, and two choices. Everything had become clear. God was on my right hand and satan on my left.
It was at that time that God opened my eyes… and for the first time I saw satan for what he truly is. The top of his head began to form into the cone of what appeared to be a living volcano, and red-hot lava began to pour down upon his face, dripping as if it were blood. And I saw him, extremely violent, as if he were exploding. Lava began spewing out everywhere. It was horrifying. And I could actually feel the searing heat from the lava as if I were literally standing in front of an inferno, and it was exceedingly hot. So hot that I could not get near it. EXCEPT… there was one difference. It wasn’t heat that I was feeling… it was pure HATE. It wasn’t lava, it was pure hatred for God, and it ran down his face like blood.
In that instant, I completely understood what satan is. I understood his heart, I understood his intent towards men, and found myself turning to run as fast as I could.
I remember saying to myself, “since this is who satan is (pure hate), then I don’t want anything to do with him… ever.” And the feeling settled deep in my heart. I could never HATE anything as much as he did!
God had allowed me to see into the heart of satan himself, and more importantly, I knew his true intent. He hates God perfectly. He is true to his name. And with all that hate, he equally hates all those who believe and follow Christ. He is no friend and certainly will do nothing but backstab you forever, while the whole time making you think something else. Oh, the deception, and all the lies that spew out of his mouth. He surely is the destroyer.
I am so grateful that God gave me this experience. It has left a lasting impression on me. If it is of the devil, then I want nothing of it, for I have seen what he is and what following him will lead to.
With that, I stood and looked back towards God, and I pleaded with him to help me. “Please tell me that I will come back,” I said.
To this, God spoke and said, “Kirk! It is given unto you to choose.” And he opened my eyes, and I looked down at my feet, and there I was standing on the line between good and evil. I was exactly in the middle of the two sides. I was standing with one foot on the right side and one foot on the left side.
The directive was extremely clear. Choose a side, Kirk. Choose a side.
And I woke up.
This vision has certainly hinted at where my earlier life had been. There is still more to this story…
But that is another writing.