They say that the first thing one needs to do is understand one’s enemy to know how to fight them properly. To this end, God let me see who satan is… and so I share this vision with you concerning me and my life.
Sometimes when I speak to people about Jesus, I run into someone that tells me that they are agnostic, that they don’t believe in God, and they state it as if to imply that its silly to believe in God, because there is no evidence of him, or maybe because of hard life experiences that they have had to deal with they don’t want to allow the possibility of God for various reasons, or perhaps they have had no interaction with him? Either way, they use some sort of reasoning to base their opinion on.
Is there a God? Is there a Devil? This is always the BIG question? Many seem to do what I did: just put it off. I didn’t know how I fit into the picture, and I didn’t know what to do about it, so it was easier to just put it off in my mind. That is, until you have a new birth in the family or a death of a loved one, and then these questions seem to come up again about God…
While I respect the opinion of others, as they debate or weigh out the talking points of what they assume to be true with regard to what God is, for me, it’s a whole different game. I have had personal experiences where I have seen and interacted with God, so for me, I am no longer working on just belief alone. I have seen him and experienced the light and the dark, so it is no longer a debate.
God and Jesus are real. …but so is satan. The one is filled with Love and does all He can to support and bless us, while the other deeply hates us and is doing everything that he can to destroy and deceive us. It’s really black-and-white, and it becomes confusing when we want our will to prevail over God’s will. It is not complicated.
God gives men their agency. Which means that we get to choose what we will and will not do. There is never a forced side from God until the time of judgment. Then, because God is just, we will be forced into the place prepared for us depending on whether we chose to do good or not. Essentially, by what we do and do not do, we are choosing our eternal destination in the future after we leave this earthly life. When our lives are over, God will give us a life review, where we will see everything that we did, and did not do, and then, being weighed on the scales, we will end up in the appropriate location prepared for that group in which we fit into.
We came here to this earth by our own choice. The goal was for us to personally gain experience through trials so that we could become more like God and live with Him.
We came to Earth with an individual “life plan” that we picked out. Let me say that again. We came to Earth with an individual “life plan” that we picked out. This one was hard for me to accept. I didn’t like the idea that it was me who chose the hardest trials that I found myself fighting against; I wanted to blame someone else for that.
We chose the hard things that we wanted to face, and that included our individual challenges and trials. We were then born into families with certain situations and circumstances so that we would experience those exact trials that we ourselves had picked out before we were born.
If we wanted more patience, then we were placed in a family where patience was going to be tested many times over, by the other personalities that we would be placed with in that family unit.
If we wanted to learn humility, then we would be placed in a family where those situations of needing to be humble were a regular occurrence. Our trials would give us the experience we need to refine and test ourselves, and we felt confident in our decisions before we came down here to earth.
God said that he would always be there to help us get through anything “IF” we include him. Most of the time, we don’t include him at all, and this is why our trials are so hard for us. We are trying to tread the wine press alone, and it was never the intention of god for us to do this on our own.
God then gave us each unique gifts and blessings that are specific to us, so that we could succeed in the trials we chose. He did not send us down here without having the tools that we would need to overcome. But we are the ones who leave God out of the picture, and this then makes the trail terrible for us.
I used to get mad at God because of the difficult trials in my life plan. I used to say, “God, only an idiot would choose this type of trial; I would never choose this for myself,” as I would go over it with him in prayer.
It was hard for me to accept that I chose the trial. I wanted to blame someone else or something else, but the blame lies squarely with me. The purpose of trials is to make us stronger, to increase our faith in God as we rely on him to assist us in the trial, and to validate our choice of God over sin. But we are human, and we want to do many things on our own most of the time, and we were not designed to do anything alone… But we are certainly stubborn.
Do trials hurt? Yes, they do, sometimes deeply. Did I like some of the things that I was going through… absolutely not, and at the time, I was very vocal about it. And I can get mouthy and mean with my words, which I promptly did, but I had to face the fact that the buck stopped with me, and I had to stop blaming God for it.
It took many years for me to allow that to settle in because I just would not accept the idea that it was me who chose the trial. There were even times when my guardian angel would say something to me, to correct me, and I would just throw it right back at them. I would tell the spirit speaking to me that they were not me, that they had no right to tell me anything, and that they should respect my agency and back off. And they would for a time. And then it would start all over again…
Talk about the amazing patience of God!!!! My guardian angel would come back in, and we would do this again and then again and then again. Years would go by.
I guess stubbornness is a hallmark of my personality because I don’t move easily. So, when I say that this took time… Well, that is exactly what I mean. I now look back and say, goodness, look at all the time that was wasted because I was so hard-hearted and hard-headed. As I think it over, my mind tells me that God already knew that, and he never gave up on me… A hallmark of God’s personality.
God then gave me a vision showing me that when I had come down to earth, Satan came after me quickly. For what reason, I don’t know, but it was his intent to make my life on earth extra difficult and to turn me against God. And I believe there are many others out there like me who might be in the same boat I was and can relate to this story.
In my vision, I saw myself with God before I came to earth. He was like the perfect father. We would frequently go for walks together and talk about all kinds of things, which I enjoyed. Like a father-son moment. We really spent time together. God was always teaching me something, spending time with me one-on-one. He is a master teacher, and he makes you feel so special, like no one else can.
God is our father, and we are his children. I believe that each of us has had one-on-one time with Him before we came to Earth. You may not remember it, but it did happen. I saw it.
When we pass on to the other side, we will all be able to look back and remember all those precious moments. If we are not worthy because of our life’s choices, we will deeply miss that we can’t be near him anymore, and he will deeply miss us as well.
(I remember listening to a dear sister in Christ tell me one of her experiences with God. She was suffering emotionally with a lack of self-worth, and in prayer, she said that she would plead with God to help her find her self-worth. She said one day during her prayers that God opened her eyes and she could see this beautiful place that she described as God’s dwelling place, that it appeared as a very exquisite home, that was exceedingly beautiful and fine. She said that her eyes were taken to a banister of stairs where there were pictures of all of God’s children posted on the wall. She went on to say that God led her eyes to look right at a certain photo. It was her headshot, just like the ones that we used to get in elementary school. She immediately felt God’s love come over her, and a deep feeling of knowing that she belonged to Him… She was His daughter, and He loved her deeply. The story touched me as I listened to it. I felt like we all could have that same experience if we asked, because it is true.)
God knows us personally. He knows everything about us. He laughs with us, and he cries with us. He is never absent from us.
In my vision, I saw that the time had come for me to come to earth, and as I went forward, God came with me. He actually held my hand as we went to that place where I would be taken to be born on earth. He smiled at me, and I stepped forward in faith. I remember turning to look back one last time… I wanted to see if he was still there…
Yep! He was still there, smiling back at me. He never left. I remember his love-filled eyes. It was like I could feel his anticipation and hope for me in His eyes. With that, I felt confident and stepped forward.
I remember looking back twice to see if he was still there. He never left. Always there, always available, ever present. I have found this to be a very important truth that I had forgotten, and we need to remember it.
I found myself in what I can only describe as a lone and dreary place. This world was not like where I had come from. For a while, I felt that I was wandering on my own. What I didn’t know then, but understand now, is that I needed to look to God because he was still there to support me. But when you’re young, that’s something that you don’t always understand.
Some time had passed. And then in the distance, I saw a man standing afar off, waving his arms to get my attention. So I turned my head to see who it was motioning towards me. He was very nicely dressed, and he beckoned me to come over to him. He seemed to be polite, very friendly, and eager to meet me. So I ventured over to see what it was.
I didn’t know who he was. But he didn’t appear dangerous. He beckoned me to follow him, and so I followed him a short distance.
As time passed, I began to notice that everything felt gloomy, like a fog, and I realized I was not in a good place. I was not happy. I felt no joy, and my circumstances became very challenging, and I did not know what to do or where to go… Something did not feel right, and still, this man kept tugging at me to follow him. He certainly had my ear at the time, and I found myself listening to him and believing in everything that he said to me, and I grew angry with God.
I was then lifted up, so I could see basically two areas as if I was viewing things from a third-party standpoint… I was in one area with this man, whom I still did not know, and in the other area, I saw the face of God.
To my astonishment, He was still there. Still pouring out all the love that he is and was still there to watch over me. But something within me had changed. I felt anger towards him instead of love… and I turned so that my attention was on God, with my back to the man in the dark suit.
I remember the man leaning over my shoulder, whispering into my ear, telling me things that I don’t recollect word for word at this time… But he kept talking to me, and I kept listening to him.
Time passed… and the man in the dark suit disappeared, but I could still hear his whispers.
I stopped looking to God; in fact, my attention was completely taken away from him, although I was facing in his direction. When I look back on the vision, God was there the entire time. He never left me; I had lost sight of him, and still I was angry.
I heard words inside my head tell me that I was worthless, and over time, I felt like no one wanted me. Why was I feeling this way? Was I ugly? I got caught up in all the verbal mess “self-talk” that constantly rotated in my brain. Why was God torturing me with all this? was my thought. I found myself blaming him for all my problems…
Time passed, my life took a strange turn, and I felt alone.
Then, after a long period during which I had let myself be conditioned by what the man in the dark suit had been telling me, the voice began to point out my circumstances and the crappy situation I found myself in.
I was not in a happy place. The focus was on all the wrong things that were about me and my personality, and all the thoughts that I was dealing with. And I actually began to believe it. Thinking it over and over and over again. More time passed… I grew angrier and was even more depressed.
Then the man again appeared, and he was leaning over my shoulder. He turned my attention back so I would look over, focused on God, and pointed with his finger at him.
His voice was angry, and it was filled with violence. It was like we were in some type of sync with each other. I was angry too.
As I looked up, I could see the face of God. But by this point, I didn’t want to speak with him, and I wasn’t interested in having anything to do with him anymore. All I could think of was all the inferences going on inside my head that swirled around in anger that I believed because of all the self-talk that was going on inside my head.
And then came the final blow…. The man in the dark suit said to me, “AND IT’S ALL H-I-S FAULT,” and from over my shoulder, he again pointed directly at God, and his anger and my anger became one. In my mind, God was to blame.
(Anger is never of God. In fact, the angrier we become, the more we attract the wrong energy, the wrong spirits, and the wrong emotions, which over time stir us up, and we do things that we would never think of doing, but we do them out of anger. Anger is never Godly, and we need to understand that. Anger is always from the devil. It is his hallmark tool, and he uses it effectively for those who listen to him. People who get angry are listening to a devil. Make no mistake about it. Anger is like touching the red burner on the stove. Stay away from it, or you will surely get burned.)
By this point, I wasn’t in a position to reconcile or think. I was wound up and ready to unleash, and the man standing behind me used all his energy and focus to go through me toward God, and I took it all in. “What kind of an idiot would choose this for a trial…” I thought. By this time, it was more God’s fault than mine for being in the situation I was in, and I found my heart stirred up, and hate began to form inside me.
Then the man in the dark suit said, “Why would you (meaning God) do this to me?” I had been pulled in hook, line, and sinker!
I was sooo A-N-G-R-Y. In that instant, the man turned my attention to look at the floor, and my mind focused on a single loose tile laying on the floor. He then said to me, “Pick up that tile and huck it him (meaning towards God).”
And in my rage, I picked up that tile and I hucked it as hard as I could. That tile seemed to catch air like skipping rocks over a pond, and it rose up and struck the face of God right above his right eyebrow.
At that instant, I came to my own and realized that I had just thrown a sharp piece of tile flooring at God, and I actually struck him.
I stumbled back… Where was I? What was I doing? For the first time in a long while, I walked toward God instead of away from him. Feeling sorrowful and ashamed, I knelt down and sobbed. “What am I doing?”
Again, I could see that I was still in a place with two sides. Reality began to set in. To my right was the side of God and I could clearly see his face, and to my left was the devil and I could now clearly see his face and who/what he was…
I understood that in life, we are basically choosing a side. What was before me was a decision that I needed to make. I would either go to the right or go to the left; there were no other options. There is no grey area.
When I look back at this vision, the whole time… God NEVER left me. He was there, full of love and hope, and the entire time longing for me to come towards him. Not once did he leave or get angry with me. He never even flinched when I struck at him. Just Eyes of love… longing for me to come over to his side of the room.
At this time in my dream, I looked back to my left from whence I had been. The man whom I had not known that I had now recognized as the devil began to transform, and I realized that he was satan himself. And as I looked upon his face, he was no longer a man, but I saw his face, and it was shrouded in darkness.
Now there were only two faces, two sides, and two choices. Everything had become clear. God was on my right hand and satan on my left.
It was at that time that God opened my eyes… and for the first time I saw satan for what he truly is. The top of his head began to form into the cone of what appeared to be a living volcano, and red-hot lava began to pour down upon his face, dripping as if it were orange blood. He became extremely violent, as if he were exploding. Great Lava began spewing out everywhere. It was horrifying. I could feel the searing heat of the lava, as if I were standing in front of an inferno, and it was exceedingly hot. So hot that I could not get near it. EXCEPT… there was one difference. It “wasn’t heat” that I was feeling… it was pure ‘HATE.’ It wasn’t lava that he was exuding; it was pure hatred for God, and it ran down his face like blood.
In that instant, I completely understood what satan is. I understood his heart, I understood his intent towards men, and found myself turning to run as fast as I could. Satan is pure hatred for everything that God is and does.
I remember saying to myself, “since this is who satan is (pure hate), then I don’t want anything to do with him… EVER.” And that feeling settled deep in my heart. I could never HATE anything as much as he hated God!
God had allowed me to see into the heart of satan himself, and more importantly, I knew his true intent. He hates God perfectly. He is true to his name. And with all that hate, he equally hates all those who believe and follow Christ.
He is no friend. His intent is to backstab all of God’s children while making you think something else. Oh, the deception, and all the lies that spew out of his mouth. He surely is the destroyer, the father of all lies mingled with some truth.
I am so grateful that God gave me this experience. It has left a lasting impression on me. If it is of the devil, then I want nothing of it, for I have seen what he is and what following him will lead to. I have seen the end result.
With that, I stood, looked back towards God, and I pleaded with him to help me. “Please tell me that I will come back,” I said. I don’t want to be here and in this condition forever…
To this, God spoke and said to me, “Son! It is given unto you to choose.” And he again opened my eyes, and I looked down at my feet, and there I was standing on the line between good and evil. I was exactly in the middle of the two sides. I was standing with one foot on the right side and one foot on the left side and he was asking for me to chose this day which side I was going to be on.
The directive was extremely clear. Choose a side. Choose a side.
And I woke up.
This vision has certainly been a parallel to where my life has been.
There is still more to this story… But that is another writing.